


You're Just Different and There's Nothing Wrong with That

by AchillesMonkey



Series: FitzSimmons Fics [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Autism Acceptance, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Fitz, Autistic Fitzsimmons, Autistic Simmons, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 10:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AchillesMonkey/pseuds/AchillesMonkey
Summary: After a misunderstanding, Fitz reveals to his new girlfriend that he's autistic. Jemma begins to research and discovers that she might be too.





	You're Just Different and There's Nothing Wrong with That

**Author's Note:**

  * For [buckysbears (DrZebra)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrZebra/gifts).



> This is inspired by buckysbears' autistic headcanons for Fitz and Simmons. Please check out her very well put together checklists for each character:
> 
> [ Jemma's Autism Checklist ](http://buckysbears.tumblr.com/post/159547118159/jemma-autism-checklist)
> 
> [ Fitz's Autism Checklist ](http://buckysbears.tumblr.com/post/137192190209/fitz-autism-checklist)

Jemma Simmons would be forever grateful to her friend, Daisy Johnson, for introducing her to Leopold Fitz. Jemma had never been one to believe in “soulmates” or “love at first sight,” but the moment she’d met Fitz, she’d felt a connection with him that she had never felt with anyone else.

Fitz was brilliant, and quirky, and kind of awkward, and he made her laugh with his corny science puns. He knew a lot about monkeys, and loved to talk about them. He took her to the zoo for their first date, and they’d spent an hour at the primate exhibit while he’d told about each and every species on display. He had also asked permission to hold her hand, which Jemma thought was very sweet.

They went out to dinner on their second date, to a very nice French restaurant, and it was very romantic. Jemma was expecting a kiss afterwards, but nothing happened. She was disappointed, and a little confused—her previous dating experiences had gotten physical within the first couple dates—but she was willing to let Fitz move at his own pace for now.

For their fifth date, he invited her to his dorm to watch a movie. Fitz spent the whole time twisting a Rubik’s Cube in his hands, eyes glued to the screen. Jemma couldn’t help but feel confused, and a little hurt. “Fitz?” she asked after movie was over.

“Yeah?” Fitz glanced back at her before returning to focus on putting the DVD into the case.

“Why haven’t you kissed me?” she blurted out. He looked up at her as he snapped the DVD case closed, his expression going blank. “I mean, I’ll respect your boundaries, of course, if you don’t want to,” Jemma continued, “but if you don’t like me like that, you could at least tell me instead of continuing to take me on dates.”

“I do like you,” Fitz told her, fingers tapping against the DVD case, his eyes moving to look out the window. “What makes you think that I don’t?”

“Well, you invited me over to your room, and then you ignored me the whole time!”

Fitz looked back at her, confusion written all over his face. “I invited you over to watch a movie,” he said, holding up the DVD case as proof. “We watched the movie.”

“Yes,” Jemma said, “that’s true. But I was expecting something a bit more, Fitz. At the very least cuddling while watching the movie! We haven’t even touched since you asked to hold my hand at the zoo!”

Fitz bit his lip and looked down. “I’m sorry.”

Jemma waited, but he didn’t say anything else. “That’s it?” 

Fitz sighed and shifted on his feet. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he told her.

Jemma sighed. “Something more than just ‘I’m sorry!’” she snapped, standing up and gathering her purse and sweater. “If you think of something, you know how to reach me,” she told him, before leaving his dorm.

Jemma retreated to the library, the one place on campus where she felt comfortable. The library was quiet, peaceful, and no one bothered her, expect for Daisy, and that was only on Tuesdays and Thursdays when they met to study. She found an old edition of her chemistry textbook and took it to her favorite spot on the third floor. She opened it and began to read, pressing her hands against her neck and jaw while she did so.

Jemma was partway through the third chapter of the textbook when her phone lit up with an email notification. She was about to ignore it, but saw that it was from Fitz, so she swiped her finger across the screen and began to read.

 _Jemma,_

_I’m so so sorry for misleading you. I talked about what happened with Daisy and she explained that when a guy invites a woman to his room, it’s usually implied that something more is gonna happen, but I didn’t know that so I’m sorry. I’m autistic, so sometimes I don’t always understand what’s expected, especially when it comes to dating. I really really like you, Jemma. I really want to keep seeing you, but it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way._

_Fitz_

Jemma put her phone down. _Autistic._ Jemma rubbed at her fingers with her thumb as she thought about it. She’d heard of autism, of course, but only in the context of children, and really only in the context of the children who couldn’t communicate. But Fitz was not a child, and he was able to communicate just fine. She picked her phone back up and hit reply.

_Fitz,_

_I really really like you too, and I really want to keep seeing you. Thank you for telling me about your autism. I’ve heard of it, of course, but I’m afraid I don’t know much about it. Could you send me some good resources so I can learn? Or maybe we could go out tonight and you could tell me more?_

_From,_

_Jemma_  

She pressed send and tried to concentrate on the chemistry textbook while she waited for a response. Twenty minutes later, her phone lit up with another email notification and she immediately swiped to open it.

_Jemma,_

_Here are some links for you._

[Autistic Self Advocacy Network](http://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/about-autism/)

[What Is Autism?](http://www.autismacceptancemonth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/AAM-What-Is-Autism.pdf)

[Inclusive Autistic Traits](https://autisticality.com/2016/03/21/inclusive-autistic-traits/)

_If you want, you can come see me tomorrow. I don’t think I’d be able to have a good conversation tonight._

_Fitz_

Jemma clicked on the first link and began to read. _Different sensory experiences, non-standard ways of learning, passionate interests, atypical movement, need for consistency, routine, and order, difficulties in understanding and expressing language, difficulties in understanding and expressing social interaction._ Well, that last one explained the confusion over their earlier date.

She clicked on the next link and it took her to an explanation of the autistic brain:

_“Autistic people process and use our senses differently from most people…”_

_“Stimming helps an autistic person sooth and calm ourselves, regulate our senses, process our environment, and think clearly…”_

_“Most autistic people … have a hard time understanding what another person is saying to us. Many autistics use or understand language … literally.”_

_“We may not be comfortable with ambiguity, change, or lack of structure. We may seem particularly ritualistic, compulsive, or detail-oriented.”_

Jemma bit her lip as she read. Some of the descriptions sounded familiar to her. She clicked on the final link and it took her to a more detailed breakdown of different autistic traits:

 _“Different use of eye contact…”_ Jemma put her phone down and pulled a small notebook and pencil out of her purse. She opened the notebook to a fresh page and wrote that down, adding: _Too much eye contact?_ next to it. As a child, her mother had often scolded her for staring, but no one had ever explained exactly when looking turned into staring. Was that something other people instinctively understood?

 _“Different use of literal and metaphorical communication…”_ Jemma wrote that down too. She’d always had a tendency to take everything literally, or not understand idioms that others seemed to find obvious, which often led to people giving her weird looks whenever she corrected their metaphors.

 _“Different desire for relationships…”_ Jemma had never really had a real friend until she met Daisy, and even then their relationship began because Daisy had needed a tutor. She’d dated before, but she’d never really connected with any previous partners, not like she’d connected with Fitz.

 _“May find presenting to crowds easier than reciprocal interactions…”_ Well that was definitely true of her. She was very comfortable giving a lecture, but struggled in smaller group interactions when the others weren’t discussing anything she was interested in.

 _“_ _May prefer practical and pragmatic interactions or have difficulty with unfocused interactions…”_ Yes, Jemma definitely preferred when she knew what needed to happen in a social interaction.

 _“Pressure stimming…”_ Jemma added _pressing neck/jaw_ to her notebook.

 _“Tactile stimming…”_ Jemma added _rubbing fingers_ to her notebook.

_“Intense focus and interests…”_

_“Preference for routine and sameness…”_

_“Differences in experiencing and processing emotions…”_

_“Different approach to patterns and systems…”_

_“Different ways of processing and making decisions…”_

Jemma reread her list and then closed the notebook and put it and the pencil back in her purse. She put her phone in her pocket, put the textbook on the ‘re-shelve’ cart, and made her way back to her dorm room. She needed a cup of tea and her laptop in order to do some more intensive research.

~*~*~*~

Jemma stayed up until four in the morning searching the internet, reading blogs, taking tests. _Autism Spectrum Disorder, autism in females, atypical autism, the Autism-Spectrum Quotient, the Aspie Quiz, the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised, the diagnosis process, getting diagnosed as an adult, getting a diagnosis as a woman._ Everything she read and every quiz she took seemed to point toward the conclusion that she was autistic.

She finally made it over to Fitz’s dorm later that afternoon, entering the building when some shirtless boys exited with a football. She made her way to Fitz’s room and knocked on the door, running her thumb across her fingers on her other hand.

Fitz opened the door and let her in. “Jemma,” he started to say, but she interrupted him.

“I spent all last night doing research,” Jemma told him. “I read those links you sent me, and—well, I thought they described me, so I spent last night reading everything I could, and taking the online tests, and I even went through the diagnostic criteria and wrote down examples from my life that fit. I filled up ten pages, single-spaced. I think—I think I’m autistic too.”

She bit her lip and watched as Fitz scratched at his cheek, taking time to process everything she’d just blurted out. “Welcome to the club,” he told her. “Do you have any questions?”

“About a million,” Jemma admitted, “but I think right now I need time to think it through in my head before I actually talk about it out loud.”

Fitz nodded. “Want to watch a movie?” he offered. “Take your mind off it? We could cuddle under my weighted blanket.”

Jemma smiled at him. “That sounds nice.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and for any comments/kudos! I'm unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot on Tumblr!


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